Excerpt From Camp Jesus.
The boys filed in from chapel, pamphlets in hand. Next on the agenda was taco night (Leviticus themed) followed by s’mores, and the first challenge night of the week. Taped on the cabin walls for the night of June 14th were several bright sheets of paper:
“Holy Outdoor Adventure! Carry your cross (bunk mattress) to the observation platform and spend the night under the stars! Jeremy and Alexandria will lead worship, s’mores and campfire stories for Christ! Talk to your counselors for more details.”
Jeremy stashed his phone and resumed alphabetizing the stack of upcoming devotionals as the boys barged into the cabin.
“Hey guys! How’d it go!”
“Gregory farted in prayer and it’s the only noise we heard from him today.” Caden said, scrambling up the ladder to his top bunk, “Bean burritos tonight, huh Greg! Gregory Anderson: Silent But Deadly.”
The boys erupted into squeaky pubescent giggles as they shed their bright blue backpacks and got ready for dinner. Gregory looked unresponsive, as usual, and quietly pulled his duffel bag from underneath the bottom bunk of his and Caden’s bed. Jeremy tried to change the subject, “Does anyone need help with costume ideas for tonight? Remember, the theme is Leviticus!”
“Uuum, what’s the theme of Leviticus?” Matthew asked. Clearly he wasn’t paying attention in chapel.
Rex answered fastest from his pristinely kept corner, “It’s a bunch of really old rules that have no application today.”
“I’m gonna be ‘No Haircuts!’” Announced Isaac as he pulled a long brown wig out of its package.
“What’s that wig made out of?” Asked Joey, as if there was a problem. Isaac studied the tiny writing on the plastic bag. The wig was originally part of a women’s go go dancer costume. He found the answer near the model’s left arm.
“40% Vinyl, 60% Polyester.”
“Good thing you’re not going as ‘No Unnatural Fibers.’”
Joey righteously donned his long cotton robe, complete with seven gold tassels. He looked like a proper exemplary, law abiding, old school Israelite. Hopefully this meant first in line for dessert tonight. Rex sat uncostumed on his bed expectantly, anticipating the inevitable.
Caden found a white T-shirt in his bag and looked around for a writing utensil.
“Does anyone have a Sharpie?” He asked, digging to the bottom of his backpack.
Jeremy threw him one from his marker box.
Here we go…. Thought Rex.
Caden’s face lit up as he dove into his design project. Moments later, he pulled his masterpiece over his head. He smiled at his handiwork, NO HOMO emblazoned across his chest in large black letters.
“I ran out of space at the end so my last O looks kind of like a U….”
Well, someone had to do it. Rex didn’t even want to bother arguing. He looked up and cleverly remarked, “You look like an abomination.” Nobody got the joke.